If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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