Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
