Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
