Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
