I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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