All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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