Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
