chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
