You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this just has baby written all over it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
