My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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