Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
