Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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