I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
