There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
