having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
