i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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