I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
