you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
