The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
