saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
