I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it because I queefed?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
