just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
