I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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