failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
