I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
