Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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