I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize