I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
