a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Even my vagina gasped.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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