if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
