So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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