we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
