What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
