you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
