You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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