Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
