I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
