He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You made out with two different species that night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
