i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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