I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
