Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
