i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
