i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
wanna go halves on a baby?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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