dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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