I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
