After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
