me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
