please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
