How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
