She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
not ubering you a puppy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
