Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This house was built for laser tag.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
